Bleed Me (Haunted Roads Book 3) Page 9

  “That’s a good boy, Kenny. I sure do wanna taste that sweet honey, but you being so good will buy Jenny—

  Jenny. That name. I had heard that name spoken by—

  “—more time. That’s right. Your little sister will have to wait.”

  Still staring at the little girl, her hands finally fell just enough to show me the eyes I kept seeing, identical to mine. Jenny. Scared, her petite hand reached out for me as large fingers slide between my—

  My Prez roaring, “Goddamnit! Flip him over!” snapped me back to reality, feeling hands all over me, forcing me to roll. “We need Doc, stat!”

  “No!” Saint yelled. “He don’t touch the shit! I’m tellin’ you, this is not drugs! Jamie does this!”

  Now on my back, my whole body tried to arch off the floor as I pulled my ass cheeks together, silently begging to not be invaded. My eyes rolled back in my head with the strain as patched brothers put their weight on me, trying to contain my internal explosion.

  Justice came running into the room, her voice full of alarm. “What happened?” The Captain in her quickly assessed the situation and yelled at the only person she didn’t know. “Who the fuck are you?”

  The girl, who thought sneaking into my bed in the middle of the night was wise, cried, “I’m so sorry—”

  “Bitch, did you drug him?”

  “No! No! Nothing like that—”

  “Get the fuck out!” roared Justice. Imagining her ponytail flailing in the air as she pointed to the door had me calming slightly. I think imagining her at all was helping me see something other than the man—

  My mind screamed for her, Justice! Justice! but my jaw was too seized up to let me open my mouth so I could call out to her.

  “Sapphire!” yelled Justice. She was going through the line of those who knew me best to figure out what was happening.

  “I’m here.” I was shocked to hear Saph was right next to me. She was crying. “I’m sorry. I was with Brat. I don’t know what happened!”

  Brat was the patched brother I shared Sapphire with. He was half-dressed and helping hold me down as he told Justice, “Captain, I had no idea that bitch was sneaking in here.”

  “Slutty whore!” screamed my friend. “Saint!”

  “Not drugs! I swear it! He is experiencing the aftereffects of a trigger. Everyone on him is the worst thing we can be doing!”

  He was right; everyone around me, panicking, touching me, restraining me, was sending me over the edge. All I wanted was Justice.

  Justice!

  Maybe I did manage to scream for her out loud. I’m not sure, but I could hear Justice pushing through bikers and dropping to her knees to grab a hold of my hand. “I’m here. I’m here, James. Fight this. Breathe.”

  We had trusted each other from the first day we met. Over the months, that trust had grown and rooted deep. Justice! My mind screamed for her, again. I wanted to clutch her hand in return, desperately, but was unable. I was there, but not. I wasn’t present enough to stop my body from having some sort of full meltdown.

  By my head, Saint sounded as if his body was now low to the ground, but he didn’t dare touch me. Because of his girl, he knew crazy. He knew how to stay calm and see her through her mental attacks. That’s why he was so good with me. He whispered, “Brother, hold on. You’re not alone. You hold on.”

  So young, and suddenly feeling so alone again, I wanted to tell him what I was seeing, feeling, but even if I had the ability at the time, I wasn’t sure how. I had already learned enough to wonder if this was something the club could handle. Prez once told me not one person in the club was without issues, but was this too much? I was teased endlessly for not fucking Saph. What if they knew who had fucked me?

  I begged God, Please don’t let it be true. Please don’t let this be true… but, deep down, I knew it was.

  Tears leaked from my eyes. If this club couldn’t accept me, I had nowhere else to go. Steel Stallions MC was my last hope. And, how could I ever say goodbye to Justice?

  Justice’s other hand laid on my chest. “I’m here. James, please…”

  Her touch was the touch of heaven. My eyes finally found the ceiling. Then searched… Beautiful glass…

  Justice.

  I’d never seen her scared before, but she was then, for me. Frantically, she nodded. “Yes. I’m right here.”

  Justice.

  Witnessing some sort of change in me, Saint told everyone, “Let him go. He hears her.” When no one moved, he begged our Prez, “Lynx, you know I know this shit. Please have them back away.” Prez must have nodded to his men because, hesitantly, strong hands loosened then released their firm hold on me. Saint whispered, “She’s right there, brother. Feel her. Keep breathing and come back to us…”

  Once there was more room, she scooted closer. “That’s it. It's almost over, Giver.” The closer she was, the more I felt like I was able to breathe again.

  After my body slowly released more tension and sunk back into the floor, my lungs started to let me breathe again, and there were sighs all around.

  Then they all hissed as I jolted when Saph kissed me. She was blocking my view of Justice. Sapphire whispered, “Sorry,” through a sniffle, then left my room with Brat in tow.

  Now that my arm wasn’t so rigid, Justice pulled my hand to her cheek. “I’m right here.”

  Prez clamped Saint’s shoulder. “Ya did good, Saint. Real good. Come talk to me when you’re done here. I’ll be outside. I need to know more about that ‘trigger’ shit.” He pointed to his sister, not as pleased, his voice lowering, “You too. We need to talk.”

  “Yeah.” We didn’t break eye contact as she pulled a folded belt from my mouth, “Be up in a bit,” and handed it to someone.

  My VP.

  Standing over me, Dagger took the belt back. “Ya scared the shit out of me, kid.” Him dripping with sweat around his eye patch told me he’d been by my side through the whole attack.

  This man, this older figure who was watching out for me, had my respect on such a level I couldn’t describe if I tried. That’s why I wanted to tell him I was sorry for worrying him, but my mouth wasn’t responding to my brain yet.

  Maybe he read my expression because, with a knowing nod, he smirked. “Ya crazy fuck. Glad you’re back.” He turned on the lamp on my dresser, then left.

  After my bedroom door shut and everyone left us alone, Saint, Justice, and I stayed motionless for a while. They gave me time to come back to my senses before Justice finally asked, “What happened?”

  Damn, if that wasn’t a loaded question, I’m not sure what was. “I, uh.” I swallowed. “That club girl… I was asleep.” I swallowed. “Woke to her climbing—” I blew out a shaky breath. “I was on my stomach.” I licked my dry lips. “I… I don’t know after that.”

  Justice wiped sweaty hair from my forehead. “Do you know why that, uh—”

  She wasn’t sure how to word the attack, so Saint helped with, “Trigger. It sounds like messing with Giver while sleeping, or in a bed, or in the dark, can be something that reminds him of a situation that he prefers to avoid, to put it lightly.”

  Justice blew out an exhale, trying to release worry. “Yeah, to put it lightly, for sure.”

  My throat was so restricted. “D-Did I hurt her? Were her clothes on?”

  Justice snarled. “Who cares? What a slutty bitch.”

  “You wouldn’t say that if it were any other biker.” I tried to smile but failed.

  Her eyes squinted. “Don’t fuck with me right now.”

  Her attitude had me taking a deep inhale of comfort. She was so predictable it made me relax. But I still needed to know… “Babe… Did. I. Hurt. Her?”

  Her lower jaw clicked several times as she studied me. “Is that what happened? You hurt a girl before?”

  I could only stare at her.

  “The one you love?”

  She knew of Delilah, but not what I had done, so my eyes pleaded for her to stop pushing.


  Probably preferring me not getting riled again, Saint told me, “Club bitch was clothed and looked fine. Just scared.”

  I sighed, but then I remembered what I had seen. Trying to swallow tears that were choking me, I finally told them, “I saw her again.”

  Justice gasped. “The little girl with green eyes?”

  I nodded, fighting emotions that didn’t want to be contained. “I think she’s my little sister.”

  “Oh, shit,” mumbled Saint, running fingers through his wavy dark blond hair.

  Justice wiped my forehead again, then wiped my sweat on her jeans. “How would you not know about her until now? Maybe she’s only a part of your dreams.”

  So frustrated, again I was trapped with memories from a past I wasn’t to discuss.

  “Wait,” said Saint, his deep blue eyes widening. “You weren’t dreaming just now. Did you see this girl during your seizure?” I could only nod as my chest tightened with some sort of anxiety. “Giver! That’s a memory!” With excitement I couldn’t relate to, he smiled, his dimples showing. “Listen. Prez said if I thought it might help, I’m allowed to tell you a little more of my past.”

  Even though no one at the club had ever witnessed my personalities, they had heard of them. I knew of Jamie’s attacks because of what Saint had told me about them. Otherwise, he kept her quite private. No one pushed for answers.

  I was shocked he was willing to share. “Really?”

  He studied Justice. “I’m assuming it’s a yes but need to check. Am I allowed to talk in front of you, too?”

  She admitted. “All Officers know about you and your girl’s fake identities.”

  “W-What? You too?” I thought of Diesel, claiming Stallion MC could handle all I had kickin’. This is what he meant. I wasn’t the only one hiding.

  Toward Justice, Saint’s face hardened. “Does anybody else know?”

  Solemnly, she shook her head. “No. She’s safe.”

  Damn, how that woman could read men. Saint’s scowl faded as he took a deep breath. His girl was safe. Then he focused on me. “Jamie was in an institution for a bit… Until she finally remembered me again.” He exhaled a shaky breath as if that time in his life was nothing but torture for him. “I was so grateful to be getting my evermore back—”

  “Evermore?”

  A small but sincere smile crossed his lips as he patted his chest. “My Pretty Girl. My evermore.”

  Pretty D. Staring at the ceiling, I touched my chest. Right here, Delilah.

  My bedroom door suddenly slammed, pulling me from deep thought. I peered about. “Justice?” She was no longer holding my hand. Justice was just… gone.

  Full of empathy, Saint asked, “What are you two gonna do, my man?”

  I didn’t know why he pushed for Justice and me to act on our feelings, so I snapped, “I’m a fucked-in-the-head-measly-Prospect. We ain’t doing shit.”

  “That’s not fair to her.”

  “And being with her is? What could I ever give that perfect girl?”

  “Giver, she’s locked in this biker world as much as you are.”

  “Nope. You’re wrong. She is the sister of the Prez. I’m disposable. No need to drag her heart to hell with me when they finally smarten up and shoot my ass.”

  A gasp escaped Justice who was standing in my now open doorway, holding a bottle of water for me.

  I covered my face with both of my hands. “Justice. Please don’t do this shit to me right now.”

  “Whatever you say, Giver.” She tossed Saint the bottle of water and sat on the end of my bed, not wanting to be close to me.

  I stared at her, so sad she was angry with me for trying to protect her.

  “Think you can sit up?” asked Saint, changing my focus.

  Deciding to leave her alone, I nodded and tried, but as soon as I was up from the ground, my vision blurred.

  “James.” Justice rushed to my side, laying me back down.

  Blinking, I tried to clear my sight. “Maaaaybe I need a minute.”

  She pulled my hand to her mouth and kissed it, over and over. “Please be okay. I’ll stop being an asshole.”

  My voice cracked as I patted my chest. “She’s not the only one here.”

  “I know.” She kissed my hand. “I know.” She looked to Saint. “Why is this happening? He’s been doing fine.”

  With me flat on the ground and safe, he sat back. “I’m no doc, but I can tell you what I’ve researched and experienced. There are triggers, connections, and a change in security.” He pointed to her. “You two don’t need to fess up to me about what’s happening here, but it’s affecting him. I watch you two.”

  “No,” I groaned.

  He ignored me. “This ‘friendship’ brings stability for him.”

  Delilah… After she became my savior, I changed. I couldn’t bear going through it all over again, possibly hurting Justice.

  My breath caught in my throat. Justice kissed my hand again. “James. Please. Let me in.”

  Adamantly, I chuckled. “You’re being an asshole again.”

  Playfully, she smacked me. “It’s because you make me crazy.”

  “Crazy?” I gestured to my present situation. “Too soon, babe.”

  All three of us laughed since we were on the floor and I was most definitely a nut job.

  Once the laughter died down, Saint quietly told me, “Justice and the club being a safe place for you may also be a trigger of sorts. It sounds like you’ve been close to someone, a girl, once.” When I refused to speak of Delilah, he continued, “I’m my girl’s safety net. That is how I broke through her memory loss. But, once I did,” his eyes slammed shut, and he swallowed over and over, “it was brutal.” His eyes opened and stared at Justice. “He will need you like never before, if I’m right.”

  She paled. “Right about what?”

  “More memories to come.”

  Silence lingered as I thought of that man over my young body. My stomach turned. I could feel the blood draining from my face.

  Justice leaned her forehead to mine. Her long ponytail caressed my face as she said, “Shhhh. By your side is where I will be.”

  Not for the first time, I wanted her mouth on mine. I wanted to escape in her beauty and let her steal me away from a past that was rapidly catching up to me, but I couldn’t let that happen. Not only was I clearly unstable, if I were ever caught with my illegal identity, I didn’t want her implicated. Plus, Justice was a damn good woman who deserved a good man, not a kid who had just recently turned eighteen.

  Saint’s voice became strained. “Jamie lost her memory, completely. She didn’t even know who she was. When the memories finally started coming back, they flooded her.”

  With Justice’s face still hovering over mine, I told him, “I don’t think I can survive it.”

  “Ya may not if you don’t accept the support system around you. Either way, this ride has begun. It’s up to you how to handle it.”

  “Up to me? I feel like I have no chance of beating this.”

  Justice’s breath brushed my lips as her eyes drifted shut, and she slowly pulled away. She told Saint, “Show him.”

  Show me what?

  After a long exhale, Saint said, “Memories are blocked out for a reason, my man. Something happened to you that was too much for your brain and heart to handle. Getting those memories back, well, Jamie had to fight, Giver. This is what we ran from.” From under his cut, he lifted his t-shirt.

  There were so many wicked scars all over his stomach. Silently, my eyes asked how he was in front of me, alive. “You both?”

  He dropped his shirt. “Yeah. Me and that girl have seen—been through—some of the darkest shit.” Sad to say, but I waited, hoping his dark story could bring comfort to my void I was sure was also dark. Saint stared at my closed door. Quietly, he said, “Not all brothers are as good as the ones we have now.”

  Mentioning ‘brothers’, I assumed, “Another club?”

  “No.” Solemnly,
he shook his head. “The blood kind.”

  Recoiling, I quickly asked, “Brothers of yours? You and Jamie are siblings?”

  “No. We each had a set of brothers who happened to be… friends with one another.” He exhaled such remorse.

  “Jesus. What did they do to you two?”

  “Man, it’s more like what they didn’t do would be an easier question to answer. My girl wears long sleeves in the summer for reasons she’s still trying to process.”

  This was too personal for him to share. I refused to push for more details.

  Justice didn’t push either. “Patience of a saint.”

  Wow. Saint.

  Maybe it was learning more about him, but Saint no longer looked only a couple years older. He looked more the age of twenty-five that he was ‘supposed’ to be. “Yeah.” He nodded. “It was a real shit show, but ya do anything for the ones you love, right?” After a moment, he shrugged as if being gutted wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. “The club finding me is quite a blur. I was fighting for my life.” Absently, he rubbed his stomach. “But as soon as I was healed enough, finding Jamie was all I cared about. Luckily, Duke took me under his wing.”

  “Duke?”

  Justice growled, “My brother’s real name,” but was clearly not pleased with Saint for revealing such a detail. I couldn’t help but wonder how close the Prez and Saint were with him knowing something so personal.

  He winced. “Sorry.” Then he continued. “He helped me find the queen of my world.” His expression faded as if getting lost in thought again. He whispered, “And we brought her home.” Finally blinking after a moment of silence, Saint’s bike boot nudged me. “The brothers were cruel. It sucks to remember it, ain’t gonna lie, but look what not remembering is doing to you. What you just went through was scary as hell. Jamie never has full-out seized up like that before. Her attacks are different, but I’ve seen your kind on YouTube.” Saint continued, “Trust our brothers, man. Diesel is like Duke. When those men speak, you shut the fuck up and listen. And our VP? He’s the glue. His instincts are on point. And those instincts have told him you’re good people. You’re family without a patch, which we all bet is coming someday.”